Dear Me: Lisa

Aug 6, 2011

I can remember growing up playing house with my friends and using a crayon as a cigarette. Then I remember finding a pack of cigarettes and trying them. It was yucky but cool so I endured the inhaling. My Mom even made me inhale a cigarette when I was young to prove that it was sickening because I used to play with my fathers cigarettes.( and it was I turned green and threw up )
I started smoking at such a young age because it was the cool thing to do. When Mom caught me with my smokes at 14 she was furious since she never smoked. But Dad did and even though he quit for 15 years he still died of stage 4 lung and brain cancer. The damage was done. Then My best friend died 6 months after him of lung cancer. I was devestated.
I swore to myself I would quit when they died but I keep making excuses on how I just need to get through this and that stressful event…..what a load of bullcrap. Dad and Patricia died 4 years ago and I am still smoking.
I hate the fact that I am killing myself. I hate smelling like smoke. I hate my animals having to breathe second hand smoke.
My son just got married and I am excited to have Grandchildren. I want to quit for them so I can grow old and watch them have children too…..WHY CAN’T I JUST STOP????? (As I am lighting up right now to finish out this letter)
I need serious help. Please HELP ME…..I want to LIVE a HEALTHY life, because I know all to well how precious and short life can be.
I am so ashamed of myself. I have Been Clean and sober for 7 years but I SMOKE~!!!!